It sounds like you are struggling with a behavior that you would like to understand better and eventually decrease in your life. Self-mutilation is considered a strategy for getting relief from feelings and problems that are intense and are not relieved in other ways. Often people who self-mutilate have reasons for not choosing other ways to relieve pain and emotional stress such as: not having a safe environment to release emotions, having expressions of feelings ignored, denied or made fun of in the past, not having a model for how to release emotions in a healthier way, or observing others choosing self-mutilation as a way of expressing emotions. Self-harming behaviors can serve several roles. Self-mutilation can release feelings of euphoria, can be a way of physically expressing pain, can be a way to communicate, can reenact previous abuse, or can be a way to establish control in one's life. I can understand why it might be confusing for you to find that you cannot stop your self-harming behaviors. However, this is probably a pattern of dealing with problems and emotions that you have followed for quite some time. Changing these patterns of behavior and developing new ones to replace them is often more difficult than we might think. Your desire to go for counseling is healthy and a first step in changing this way of coping in your life. Many people fear that they will shock a therapist with their behaviors or be judged based on what they have done to themselves. Therapists are trained in dealing with these issues and have seen other clients with similar experiences. The therapist's role is not to judge you or force you to stop immediately but to help you to understand your own feelings and issues, how these feelings are related to your behaviors, and how to change your coping and self-harming behaviors to a healthier way of living. Self-harming is often very secretive, and this creates an obstacle for many people who are seeking support and help. Counseling is a safe place to divulge this secret and begin working on issues with the support of someone who can listen and understand without judgment. The University Counseling Center (491-6053) offers walk-in or scheduled appointments (5 appointments free, if you are a full-fee paying student) with therapists who can help you figure out what you need. There is no reason to feel stupid for taking a step that helps you to take care of yourself.